Smells Like Dwarf Fortress, Part Eight: Sanity on Hiatus

31 Dec

After Christmas and a horrible, unending head-cold, I’m back! Happy New Years – and what an arbitrary date it is! Wasn’t the solstice a week ago? Why is New Years now? Why not February 1st instead – what’s so special about January that s/he gets all the attention? Doesn’t anyone love August? But I digress. Welcome back to Smells Like Dwarf Fortress: Tantrum Spiral edition!

Early Winter, in the Year of the Forks 406

Progress on the shrine has halted thanks to Ishashstumäm, that ferocious Yeti that stalks the glaciers. With Jeremy Banks – friend to all – now suffocating on his own throat, I need to make sure there are plenty of happy thoughts to go around. Statues and engravings are commissioned for meeting halls and bedrooms. With any luck, I can –

Bob Normoyle has gone stark raving mad!


That’s not good.

Anatomy of a Tantrum Spiral:

Bob punches Sam Cote before streaking down the halls, doffing his clothing and screaming gibberish.

Sam trashes a magma forge. It deconstructs right out from under Adrian King, who falls into the magma and… drowns? In magma? Smells like Dwarf Fortress.

Death Count: 23

Adrian’s husband Andrew Osborne goes berserk and kills a Peacock, the pet of Tuvorn.

Turvorn gets a strong unhappy thought, as do all the friends of Adrian King. For a moment, I think this is it. Then another ambush catches Bob Normoyle and Oleander out in the open. It couldn’t come at a better time.

Death Count: 25

From here, its ass-over-tits. While the military easily slaughters the Goblin ambushers, Ishashstumäm decides this would be a good time to wander down from the cliffs of the Scintillating Ash and ruin my day, killing an un-dorfed Dwarf.

Death Count: 26

Man, these Dwarves die fast. Good thing I’m pumping out so many useless copper goods, weapons and armours (as training for my metalworkers and smiths) – migrants tend to come in huge waves every time. Otherwise, Zaskidet would be a ghost-fort.

The spiral continues as more Dwarves go berserk. In the end, I sport a Death Count of 32.

Thirty. Two. Thirty-two dead Dwarves in two years. More than half of the Dwarves that have come to Zaskidet are dead, and my makeshift hospital is overflowing with wounded Dwarves. Most of them seem okay, but Jimmy Breau has proven to be a monumentally horrid choice of Chief Medical Dwarf – he keeps misdiagnosing minor flesh wounds. He’s probably amputated a few healthy limbs by now.

I re-dorf those I can, but I’m falling behind thanks to the sudden upswell of Dwarven deaths. Immediately, Bob Normoyle II is possessed. He’ll make a fancy artefact from his mood, but no boost to legendary in any skills. Stupid possession.

Almost simultaneously, the game informs me that I have discovered a magma pool. Zooming in on this pool takes me to an empty part of the second cavern layer. Hmmm… investigation ahoy!

In the meantime, Blllllizard Men! Two of them – plus Ishashstumäm, wandering about. Austin, following his macabre pattern, dislodges one of the Blizzard heads. The severed part sails off in an arc. The other Blizzard Man is soundly defeated moments later, while ferocious Ishashstumäm remains, still wandering the glaciers. He’s preventing work on the Shrine even now.

Bob snaps out of his mood, the possessing spirit leaving his body, it’s mysterious, unknowable mission complete; to create a completely worthless alunite bracelet called Shakethfullut the Torrid Rabble. Let’s take a look at it, shall we?

Holy crap, this spirit really likes alunite!

This is an alunite bracelet. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is encrusted with alunite, decorated with two-humped camel leather (glad to see that getting some use!) and encircled with bands of alunite. It menaces with spikes of alunite.

On the item is an image of Thotil Elderchant the human and giant eagles in alunite. Thotil Elderchant is surrounded by the eagles. The image relates to the taming of the Giant Eagles of the Axe of Labours by the human Thotil Elderchant in the year 219 during the Journey of Thotil Elderchant.

On the item is an image of Shakethfullut the Torrid Rabble the alunite bracelet in alunite.

On the item is an image of Shakethfullut the Torrid Rabble the alunite bracelet in alunite.

That is not a typo. On Shakethfullut the Torrid Rabble is an image of Shakethfullut the Torrid Rabble. TWICE. IN ALUNITE.

Why so much alunite?

Actually, the Journey of Thotil Elderchant – particularly the Taming of the Eagles – is a common theme among the Cult of Forks. He’s engraved in the walls repeatedly, and Robyn’s best statues are of the event. I should check him out in the Legends screen sometime.

Here is the floor of the Shrine, finally laid after so very long. Soon, the Shrine will be built atop this gold-and-silver floor.

I need a name for the Shrine. I’ll be taking suggestions in the comments below.

The smiths and craftsdwarves: Foundations of Zaskidet Industry!

Food production and alcohol distilling: Keep Those Bellies Full!

The Pit and its walls: Keeping the Enemies of the Cult at bay!

The start of the Shrineroad, carved into the glacial ice and the stone of the Scintillating Ash: Praise Be to God!

The farms and the first cavern layer: The Hoary Depths of the Earth!

Wait, what’s that near Andrew Osborne? A… Hungry Head? I don’t know what that is, but GET IT AWAY FROM ME! I send the Inky Hatchets and Feral Walls at the vile creature.

It goes down like a bitch (however bitches go down – I’ve never been particularly clear on that one). If only Ishashstumäm would follow suit. Still, my tiny, injured army can do little against the mighty Yeti.

Another ambush comes along, but does little more than kill a few pets. With the recent tantrum spiral though, the fort may just tip over once again thanks to the wanton slaughter of all these Ewe’s and Cavy pups. HOW DARE THESE GOBLINS MOLEST MY CAVY PUPS!

To close out the year, the forts very first party is organized, by none other than Bromgev Foley herself. Happy New Year, you inebriated louts!

Oh wait, parties mean a dozen idle dwarves stuck in a room for entire seasons, doing nothing of any worth.

Progress is slow.

Next Time: Year Three!

6 responses to “Smells Like Dwarf Fortress, Part Eight: Sanity on Hiatus

  1. Austin Jones

    January 2, 2012 at 9:42 AM

    Just consider yourself lucky at how little that tantrum spiral actually did.

    • snarkangel

      January 3, 2012 at 8:35 AM

      It comes back. It’s not so much a tantrum spiral as a tantrum roller coaster.

  2. Jeffrey

    January 19, 2012 at 5:54 PM

    I’d love to be dorfed if possible, just call it Jeffrey.

    Man, last time I played dwarf fortress I got wiped out by successive goblin sieges. Well, I killed myself by digging too deep on purpose, but eh. I did have one particularly “heroic” dorf who bought me time to raise the gates for one siege by surviving the entire goblin army wailing on her for a sixty six page damage report before finally dying. >_>

    • snarkangel

      January 20, 2012 at 1:21 PM

      I’d love to dorf you (don’t… don’t take that the wrong way. Please). Sadly, there is next to nothing going on in Zaskidet. Killing Yeti over and over can only hold the attention for so long. Yeti have almost gone the way of the Blizzard Men – barely worth the mention – while Blizzard Men are like the Ice Wolves – not worth mentioning at all.

      • Jeffrey

        January 21, 2012 at 1:14 PM

        Ah well, thanks anyways. I really should get back into playing DF myself :P

        • snarkangel

          January 21, 2012 at 5:29 PM

          You’ll be dorfed anyway, as soon as I can. Not much is happening, so a new post might be a ways off, but you’ll be dorfed at the next migrant wave.

          You might even survive!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: