That might not be the best plan, King Joffrey. You see, we have no money, and the wedding feast will cost you 400 Gold.
I’m not actually sure, Sire. I’m not intimately familiar with the setting.
You do that, Joffrey. Meanwhile, Lord Paramount Tywin Lannister has left Harenhal, and is attacked by King Robb-
– at Castlewood.
Robb Stark has the upper hand –
Fear not, King Joffrey! Look back at that image. Tywin is losing the battle, but he has reinforcements only days away. Battles in CKII are not representing single, decisive engagements. They are instead abstractions of all the manoeuvring and tactical planning undertaken by both sides. ‘Battles’ of this sort will take many days in-game to complete themselves. Besides, our armies are assembled at King’s Landing; should our aid be necessary, they can make it to Robb’s army before he has a chance to escape, even if he succeeds in defeating Tywin Lannister.
Sadly, only one ransom is accepted.
I’d suggest otherwise, King Joffrey. You see, one of them is the son of a lord in the Reach
Uh… Jeyne Pool, daughter of a minor Lord of the North. Perhaps –
Well… Okay then. This leaves you with Horas Redwyne, an Andal and vassal of our new friends in the, uh… Peach. What should we do with him? Lord Paramount Mace I of the Peach doesn’t want him, not for the gold you’re asking.
*Sigh* Yes King Joffrey.
That would be Lady Sansa, Your Grace.
King Joffrey, there *is* a war still on. You do realize this, yes?
So he does. So what’s the plan now, King Joffrey?
Ooooo-kay. In the meantime, we are having money troubles. You keep spending it to buy stuff.
But there is no – fuck it. Never mind. Lord Tywin Lannister has defeated Robb the Young Wolf at Castlewood, and now pursues him northward. He may be overextending, leaving Stannis unopposed, but your allies in the Peach may be all the help you need on that front. Still, Tywin may face ambush from the North if he isn’t careful.
Also, the NIghts Watch is asking for more men to man the Wall. They say it is an emergency.
Of course, Your Grace.
What!? What did you do, Your Grace?
No, I got that far on my own. What.
I… whatever. Moving on. How did you hire the assassin?
Yeah, what gold? We have negative money, and negative cash flow. We already have huge debts. Where did you get the money?
That… is not how it works. You do realize the bank is charging you 25% interest on that loan, yes?
Did… did you just make a pun, Your Grace?
Sure, I’ll give you that one.
I’ve had nightmares that begin this way…
That was you, but go on.
That was still you. Also, she escaped.
Uh… Is Cersei in your prison?
Well there you go.