With Cersei gone, her various children are without guardians and educators. Joffrey’s brother Tommen is tutored by Petyr Baelish, while Joffrey himself learns from Margery. Also, hey, this is interesting:
The NIghts Watch rides Dragons into battle against their foes. So… fuck yeah? Also, some lowborn woman named Shae has been plotting in the castle. Though she has made no hostile moves, she does have ambitions to replace Varys as Master of Whi-
I HATE YOU SO MUCH JOFFREY
That is an image I will never sear from my brain.
BY THE GODS YOU WERE NOT JOKING! AUUUGH!
Not content with underage sex (Joffrey is 13 years old) and getting ladies pregnant, King Joffrey has been making mischief.
While you’ve been making friends, Lady Sansa –
Lady Sansa Stark, Your Grace.
You loved her once.
You imprisoned, blinded, released, then immediately imprisoned her again.
It… sounds exactly like you, Your Grace. Either way, she’s complaining about her treatment within your dungeon.
*Sigh…* Yes Your Grace.
In other news, your armies have secured those rebellious lords nearest to our home, and Robb flees north, terrified of your grandfather, Lord Paramount Tywin Lannister of the Westerlands. This frees your armies to attack Stannis Baratheon, your uncle, who claims the throne as proper heir. He has fought hard and well against the forces of the Peach, and has risen victorious over our allies. However, he is weakened by the weeks of war against his brother and Lord Mace of the Peach, leaving him vulnerable. I suggest we press our advantage before he can recover.
Yes, Your Grace. Also, the Vale seems to be splitting apart.
Yes, Your Grace.
As the day of the birth of Joffrey’s first child nears, everyone in the Seven Kingdoms watches with their hearts full of a whelming passion, a frisson rising in their veins. Many men change the day they become fathers. Would a child calm our reckless king? When Margery took sick, Joffrey was distraught, inconsolable. He turned away even his closest friend Podrick and spent his every moment at Margery’s bedside.
She went into labour early in the night.
I’m sorry Your Grace.
King Joffrey falls into a deep depression, alternately weeping and catatonic.
There is nothing you can do, Your Grace. The Iron Throne calls for you. It needs a strong ruler, and you are the only King. The Iron Throne needs you, Joffrey. The Seven Kingdoms need you.
There have been setbacks, My King.
Stannis crushed our army by clever ambush, but our men gave as good as they got, and the forces of the Peach-
Yes, Your Grace. The forces of the Reach saved our men from worse, and descended upon Stannis as he pursued us northwards from the Stormlands, defeating him.
The Night’s Watch has a new Commander; Bowen Marsh
Your Grace? Have you anything to say about this?
Yes, Your Grace. In other news; OH SHIT
The army of Lord Morcar of the North has outmanoeuvred Tywin Lannister and descended upon Kings Landing! The already-battered army of the Iron Throne is weak and under-strength, and cannot defend the castle!
They may not be so kind to your wife, Your Grace.