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Dar al-Islam, Part One: The House of Islam

06 Aug

So let’s see who we’re playing as.

Where's all his family?

Yo!

Yes, hi. You would be Koriaur Kalmen, Emir of Alexandria. I’m Snarkangel, nice to meet you.

Yes indeed.

I can’t help but notice you aren’t married. That needs to be changed.

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I do?

Yes.

Sure, why not?

Really? No argumentation? Not insane ‘I DO WHAT I WANT BITCH’ proclamations?

Why would I say something so horrible?

Sorry, I’m just paranoid. Been playing too much Game of Thrones lately. You’re certainly no Joffrey.

Who?

It’s best you don’t ask. Let’s look at the world and our place in it. We need to know what surrounds us before we try to conquer it.

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Here’s the eastern Mediterranean. The Abbasid Dynasty controls the Levantine Coast and Mesopotamia. The Byzantine Empire is quite possibly the première empire in the world right now, but they are in the middle of a long, slow decline. The Tulunid Dynasty controls Egypt – and since we are Alexandria, that makes them our lords.

But this will change.

That sounds suspiciously sinister…

What are you talking about? Ambition is a good thing! But first, find a wife!

Well, there is this one woman…

Go on.

She likes poetry.

Is… Is that it?

She’s a Grey Eminence and Regent for the Emirate neighbouring ours.

Why haven’t you already married her?

Uh…

Well?

Well… I never asked? I’m nervous, okay?

Seriously? You’re Emir of Alexandria, and asking a woman’s hand in marriage stops you cold.

Lady bits scare me.

You’re afraid of vagina? Get over yourself. Ask that woman out! What’s her name?

Badiat

Well, go get her, tiger!

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There, was that so hard?

YES

Oh, come off it. You did great! And look, Ahmad Tulunid, your Sultan, wants to make you Grand Vizier of Egypt!

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See what happens when you assert yourself? The whole world falls into place!

Thanks, creepy voice in my head!

No problem, Koriaur. We’ll make a good team. Together, we’ll take over America!

Ameriwhat?

Never mind. Besides, you won’t even be alive by then. That’s not for another seven hundred years. In the meantime, don’t let your ambition falter just because you’re Grand Vizier! You’re going to need more than a fancy title and some minor responsibilities if your going to fulfil my plans! I suggest having children, and gaining more power here in Egypt. The Tulunid’s are decadent, weak like overripe fruit, rotting from within. It’s your job to become Sultan!

I like the sound of that!

I knew you would! It seems others like the idea too. Sheikh Yahya of Benghazi has formed a coalition of independence-seekers, and has since been joined by the Sheikh Milad of Cyrenaica . As of now, they are not hostile, but their peaceful negotiations with Sultan Ahmad may fall apart. If you were to join this faction, it would be a huge boon to the movement, and a huge detriment to Ahmad’s legitimacy. However, I doubt we are strong enough to challenge the Sultan so soon. It may be best to let this faction fester in Ahmad’s side, and see what happens.

I thought you wanted more proactivity?

Well, yes. But there is a time and a place.

So I guess making Glitterhoof into my Grand Vizier was a bad idea?

I’m sorry, what?

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Um. WHAT.

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I sure know how to pick ’em… Still, he’s no Joffrey.

Seriously, who is Joffrey?

Don’t worry about it. The Benghazian Independence has been crushed. Good thing we weren’t on their side!

I didn’t even notice they’d risen!

Me neither. In other news, the Shia schismatics are gaining traction in the eastern deserts of Arabia.

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I can see this causing strife for many centuries to come.

BURN THE HERETICS!

That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?

You wanted me to be a go-getter. So I’m going to go get some wood to burn the Shia with.

Hoo-boy!

NEXT TIME: More Wives, Some Kids, Some War

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