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Dar al-Islam, Part Eleven: This is Winning (Suck It, Charlie Sheen!)

22 Aug
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Damn! Good work, Nuraddin!
Thank you.

So, uh… Listen carefully, because things are about to get confusing.

Uh oh!

Not in a bad way. Well, probably not in a bad way.

Okay, so it’s time for some family tree silliness. Here is the family tree for your half-brother, Firuz Kalmen, sheikh of Cyrenaica (which you own). Note his Grandparents:

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See Koriaur Kalmen, your Grandfather and the founder of the Kalmen Dynasty almost ninety years ago. See also, Caliph Al-Muwaffak. Muwaffak’s daughter Hanifa married your father, Yahya, sometime before Koriaur’s death, which is why I didn’t mention it; she was already dead by the time I started playing as Yahya, but they had Firuz at some point, obviously.

This gives him a minor claim on the throne of Caliph. Which would not be an issue of substance, were it not for two things: the Abbasids are falling apart, faced with civil wars since the death of the last Caliph.

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And:

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Latif Tulunid is pushing Firuz Kalmen’s claim on the throne. This could be a chance to make humongous gains for the Kalmen Dynasty!

Sounds good.

Let’s get in there!

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Uh… Guess not? Well, better introduce myself to Is’mail.

I actually really like your plan, yo! I mean, if Latif’s pushing the war anyway we might as well join in right? Sure can’t hurt! Let’s do this! Why aren’t we doing this? I’m bored. Let’s go go go!

Dear God, please shut up. I hate you already.

That’s not very nice let’s fight some Abbassids together we’ll be brothers in arms! That will make us friends.

Please. Please. Please shut up. You’ve got issues at home to deal with now. Mainly, your brother Yahya (named after your Grandfather) fucking hates you. I cannot imagine why. But he will almost certainly revolt and make a grab for the throne if you don’t do something soon.

Send him gifts! Everyone loves money, and Dad left me tonnes of it!

Didn’t work. He went from hating you, to slightly less hating you. But he still hates you. A lot.

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Um, lol? Dad already raised the armies and hired mercs to take on the Abbasids. I think I got this one.

Even you could win this one, Is’mail. However, your half-brother Latif (named after the Sultan – this is getting confusing) has joined Yahya against you. This won’t mean much, since you still triple their numbers. Then, another of your family members, a distant nephew, joined in as well.

They were all easily defeated, but their allies, who have acted dishonourably towards you, may be arrested.

Let’s do that then!

Right.

Well…

They all evaded capture and started rebellions of their own.

Then I’ll beat them too! Easy-peasy!

Which has spawned more rebellions.

Should I be worried yet?

Not really. Well, except for the whole ‘you jsut died’ thing.

What, what?

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Oh Khalil…

Yeah yeah, I know. Put down the many, many rebellions my father spawned.

Then take on the Abbasids!

Yeesh, don’t remind me!

Yeah, without Kalmen troops, Latif has been having a hard time of it. He’s winning, but barely. And every rebellion you crush spawns two more. Every time you try to imprison another rebel, he rebels again! This is a disaster!

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Without Kalmen support, Sultan Latif could not take on the mighty Abbassid Empire, and the result was a draw, a White Peace.

So hey, fun fact: The Kalmen Dynasty is now 100 years old! Sadly, this centennial celebration is marked with bloodshed and succession disputes. There hasn’t been a lot to say about them though; they are mostly uneventful rebellions, but by the time my massive army can put them down, a second smaller rebellion has sprung up on the other side of Egypt! These have been going on for almost twenty years in game, but I have nothing to say about them because they are so petty.

Well, I have one thing to say; TWENTY YEARS! Latif Tulunid has fought and won two wars against western African nations in that time! All this war has caused disease to fester and spread in Egypt, and the people are starving!

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Also a peasant revolt in Atbara, in the Kingdom of Nubia. Which you control.

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This is all very annoying.

I know. Trust me, I know.

Next Time: Mopping up (and dealing with all these prisoners!)

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Posted by on August 22, 2013 in CK II, Snarkangel Plays (The Tags)

 

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