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Dar al-Islam, Part Seventeen: Shoop da Woop

02 Sep
The war against the Ifrids progresses well.
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Your masterful command of the cavalry at Tunis saw you prevail over a force of superior numbers. This gives a short break in hostilities, allowing our vast armies of the Nile move west and join the war. A brief African revolt is put down, and the leader executed. However, a far more serious revolt is brewing…
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That’s annoying.

Isn’t it though? Those dangerous factions are still around, still causing trouble, and now this Nasr is claiming your Sultanate! So is Ra’uf, the former Sultan you ousted in his childhood. He’s all grown up, has taken a slice of Sicily for himself, and has the backing of a major faction in his effort to retake the Sultanate.

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I’m sure there’s a poem somewhere that can help in a time like this. Or maybe I’ll just write one…

What are you on about now?

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Well congratulations? There’s a major war on our hands, and Nasr is still out there somewhere, building an army. Right now, though, Ra’uf has a lot of troops in central Egypt.

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Also:

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Nasr’s Host is hiding off in Morocco, but given the volatile situation in Egypt and North Africa right now, he might come east any moment to stake his claim on a slice of the Nile. But you’re more interested in more temperate pursuits, aren’t you?

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Do you have something against poetry?

No, nothing Sultan! Only… there are many battles to be fought, and you’re spending most of your time reading books. I mean, reading is great! But someone needs to lead the armies.

This is why I have Marshals!

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Ooo! Fancy!

Nasr’s Host is raising across our northern shores, landing with the protection of a massive fleet to raid Alexandria and Al Alamayn. Our army manages to catch Nasr himself off guard, however, and defeat him. He is your prisoner.

Execute him!

That might piss off your vassals, Sultan. He is a beaten man, and at your mercy. It would be wise to show some.

Nope. Nuh-uh. Not happening. I’ll cleanse this foul possession that afflicts me by bathing in his blood!

Uh… Your vassals definitely won’t enjoy that.

You mean the ones that have already rebelled? What do I care?

What about your wife? Do you care about her? How about your son?

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KILL HER!

Just like that?

This sort of black and vile behaviour cannot be allowed to stand!

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In fact, end her entire brood!

Are you seriously suggesting we murder four of your eight children? Three of your potential targets would be kids, not even ten years old! One of them is your heir!

Fine. Let them live. But I want no funny business out of them! You see to that, clear?

I wish I could say ‘no problem!’, but that would be a huge lie. Your wives are terrifying skullduggers.

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Leaving me with only one more wife. Should I be worried about Zara as well?

Honestly? I have no idea any more. And you know what? I have no idea what you’re doing any more, either.

 

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

 

Between your poetry and your flying contraptions, you aren’t paying any attention to this war.

 

 

What was that about flying contraptions? You’re crazy, I’d never do that.

 

I watched you leap from your throne with bird feathers glued to your shirt.

 

That doesn’t sound like me!

 

 

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Well okay, fine! But this one’ll work, I promise! I watched instructional videos and everything!

 

Stop breaking the fourth wall, Hakam. It’s very distracting.

 

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Seriously? The dog?

 

Well yeah! It would be cruel to subject a human to such a unique and daring experiment!

 

But dogs are okay?

 

Of course! Dogs are ugly and gross and they slobber! 

 

So because you don’t find something cute, it’s okay to press it into an almost certainly fatal service?

 

 

Exactly!

 

I… hate you so much sometimes.

 

NEXT TIME: Will it fly?

 

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Posted by on September 2, 2013 in CK II, Snarkangel Plays (The Tags)

 

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