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Dar al-Islam, Part Twenty: A Grinding Halt

10 Sep
Uh oh!
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My soldiers have fucking failed me!

Well, the Kalmen Dynasty has been riding a wave of continuous victories for almost two centuries (it’s 1064 right now). They had to come down eventually.

Yeah, but not under me! I’m the greatest Sultan of Egypt there ever was! I own more lands than the Pharaohs ever did! What is this shit?

There is one other option, Hakam. Assassination.

Ah yes, the old Kalmen standby. How could I forget?

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Well, it took five tries, three of which were discovered and linked back to you. But hey! You got it done! You look like a desperate maniac willing to delve into the deep basin of dishonour to do it, but the man is dead and you have won the war.

Boom baby!

It’s not that good a result, Hakam. Everyone hates you now. More than they did before. Also, you have the Measles.

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Also, not be be a negative Norman, but, well…

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Wait. The did the Halalid… Sassanid… Abassid… Caliphate… thing. Where did it go?

Oh, it’s very dead right now. That is a civil war if ever there was one! Not that ours is going any better…

There’s another civil war!?

Ayup! Three of them, in fact; one to lower crown authority, one for Sheikha Hypatia’s independence, and one naming you a pretender to the throne. I don’t have a screenshot of the first but, well…

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UGGGGGH

My thoughts exactly! I don’t have the slightest clue how you’re going to pull this one out of the fire. I think you should surrender to the independence and crown authority factions, and focus on Prince Rafiq.

NEVER! Where’s my Easy Button?

Don’t you dare!

easy-button

Looool

Glad to see you’re feeling better.

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Spry as a spring chicken!

Oh no. You’re about to die, aren’t you?

No?

For a second there I was having flashbacks…

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I don’t know what you were so worried about. Look at that army we have! We’ll win this war yet!

If the war were contained to the Nile Delta, sure. Sadly, the rest of Egypt looks like this:

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Also noteworthy: The Samarids retook the Caliphate throne, but then lost it to the Abbasids. So… back to square one, there. Also, and alliance with Mali has given you some small aid, but they are not numerous enough to be of any real help, and what troops they do have are committed in the massive war to our east.

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Progress in the Sinai is slow. Meanwhile, more and more Sheikhs betray you, returning the betrayal they feel you have visited upon them. More troops from the west march east and lift the siege of Benghazi, but not before the coalition of traitors has hold of Alexandria, Gizeh, Fustat and Leptis Magna. We are falling behind.

More mercenaries?

There are no more mercenaries, Sultan! There is nothing.

MORE KILLING THEN

Assassination? I think that would be a bad-

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That was-

Don’t. You. Say. It. That leaves Sheikh Milad of Atbara as head of the coalition against you. He’s a child of nine, Hakam.

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You are viciously good at that.

Thank you!

That is not even close to a complement.

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Since most of your family has joined the coalition, it was bound to happen; Dalim ibn Dawlat is your nephew, born only two months ago. His parents escaped, abandoning their child for their own safety.

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What?

No one is allowed to stand against me.

There was no danger of that. THE BOY COULDN’T EVEN CRAWL YET.

Oh come off it. You’ve stood by as I murdered my way through dozens of children.

The boy was an infant! Not even a year old! He was your nephew!

Why would that matter?

FAMILY! Family matters!

The Kalmen dynasty is safe in myself, and my children.

NEXT TIME: What have I done?

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Posted by on September 10, 2013 in CK II, Snarkangel Plays (The Tags)

 

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