Dar al-Islam, Part Twenty-Five: Cleaning Up Arabia

25 Sep
It’ij has fallen for it! The battle in Kermanshah is not going to last long, but it will pin him in place long enough for you to catch him and finally, conclusively end the Sh’ia heresy!
It’ij lines his forces up on the east side of the Tigris river. Having crushed your nephew Basileos in short order, he had plenty of time to prepare, though he certainly could not escape.
And just in time for your upcoming victory against the false Caliph:

Seems so!


I am so sick of this shit! Every fucking time I do something, Anatolia rebels! I can’t even rule this Caliphate without people bitching and whining and chasing independence!

Well if it makes you feel any better…


But It’ij escaped again.

I give no fucks. I won.


And once again, we bounce from one major war right into the next. An early battle is coming to a head north of Acre, and may prove decisive in these early days of this war.


Though victory comes to the Kalmen forces, these independence-seeking Anatolians refuse to give up. A long and gruelling war follows, with no more large battles to speak of.

This is going to take a while.

Yes. Yes, it really is. Meanwhile, with the province of Kermanshah now declaring its independence from you, the Itijid are trying to take the province. This means they are hostile to you, and your armies, should they meet, will clash, but you are not technically at war.

So they can hurt me, but I can’t hurt them?

Basically yes. You can attack their armies, but that will merely weaken you in the wars you are really fighting.

Also: Norse Vikings have seen these constant wars as a chance to raid Sicily and Tunisia.

Viking raiders? In my Mediterranean?

It’s more likely than you think!


Well… Uh… That war is over!


What? Why?


I have no idea. It just sort of… ended. Sometimes wars do that when the leader dies, but that’s not what happened here. All of a sudden they just… stopped wanting independence?


I don’t understand how this game works sometimes.


Nor do I. Call it a freebie and move on?




Not that kind of ‘move on’!


Too late. I’m dying and you can’t stop me!


But… But… You’re leaving behind fourteen pretenders, all of whom hate your son! You’re going to have succession wars out the wazoo!


That is where wars come from.


… Shut up. Stop talking, you’re dead.


Just be nice to Aksil.


We’ll see how he performs under pressure.


Hello Aksil!




You have a war to deal with.




What did you expect?






Well that was a freebie!


I’ll take it!


You’d be a damned fool not to.


So hey. I just inherited the rest of Greece from the Byzantine Empire. Which means I can usurp the Byzantine Empire from the Byzantine Empire or something? How is that possible?


Well let’s take a look at the map of Europe:




You see, the Byzantines don’t control much of the land that once made up the Empire.


You may also notice the DISGUSTING MESS that is Europe and its borders. That is seriously ugly. Not like the Caliphate! Oh no, those borders are cleaning up nicely!





Well okay, Hungary is still ugly as sin. But that’s in Europe, so it doesn’t count! It won’d be much longer until all of Arabia, Mesopotamia and the Levant: Basically the Mashriq region (plus Arabia).


That’s cool and all, but I only asked so that I would know what I pressing this button did…


I swear, if I see an Easy Button come up, I will find a way to have you assassinated.



Nope. It’s this one:




The Usurp button? I don’t know, let’s find out!


Yes, let’s!


NEXT TIME: Pressing That Button!

1 Comment

Posted by on September 25, 2013 in CK II, Snarkangel Plays (The Tags)


Tags: , , ,

One response to “Dar al-Islam, Part Twenty-Five: Cleaning Up Arabia

  1. Hannibal

    September 22, 2013 at 3:09 AM

    This is great!


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